@hippieswordfish: everyone's always asking me 'is your son named after the movie?' and I'm like no idiot Sharknado's 5 yrs old and the movie came out in 2013
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@VodkaTiem: I don't know who put chairs in the elevator, but that's a kind of laziness that I can respect.
@0point5twins: OMG... JUST OPENED A CUPBOARD AND ALL MY POSTAGE STAMPS ARE PREGNA- Oh wait, it's Ravioli.
@Lola_Areola: Four year olds can't even go for cigarettes or anything. Four year olds are useless.
@Smug_Lemur: Good News: Got rid of the skunk smell on the cat using hydrogen peroxide, dishsoap & baking soda Bad News: the cat now looks like Billy Idol