@bossy_bootz: Everyone's an atheist until they're making a phone call & praying it goes to voicemail
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@evilmallelis: those ads for The Heavy Blanket are all well and good but why does it stop at 25 pounds, where is the blanket that will crush me like a benevolent snake
@Weezie76: I always carry bananas in my purse in case I'm ever chased by bad guys... ...or a giant gorilla. ~Super Mario's mom probably
@Sickayduh: "Happy birthday! " - Oh wow! A necklace! I love- wait... Did you get me a fake diamond? "Well, it's not really your 29th birthday either"