@bossy_bootz: Everyone's an atheist until they're making a phone call & praying it goes to voicemail
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@AndyAsAdjective: WIFE: omg Will Smith's son, Jaden, is dead ME: where'd you see that? W: Facebook M: I'm pretty sure that's a hoax W: no Facebook is real
@UncleDuke1969: *taps Canadian *mumbles "Apple starts with..." "Eh?" *whispers "Your blood type?" "Eh?" *mutters "Best grade?" "Eh?" *giggles *runs away
@nicfit75: Listen lady, you have 2 options. Either make your baby stop eyeballing me, or she & I can go outside to settle this.
@trevso_electric: turns out the 'kkk' are not just a group of guys who are very agreeable in their text messages :(