@mattgallo123: Everyone's like "the things I want for Christmas can't be bought." And I'm like "Legos. I want legos."
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@Cheeseboy22: My son is petrified of thunder. I told him that is ridiculous, it's the lightning that will kill him.
@Where__wolf: A horse covered in floaties gallops happily toward a swimmin pool. He sees a sign "NO HORSEPLAY" He lowers his head "Ok" & sadly trots away
@stephenjmolloy: Me: Got my finger stuck in this beer bottle. Wife: How?! M: Just help me. W: Have you tried butter? M: It's delicious. Now will you help me?
@WarrenHolstein: Janay Rice says the elevator attack was all part of God's plan. God must not like her very much.