@jwoodham: Everyone's talking about how Shia LaBeouf plagiarized Daniel Clowes, but nobody said anything when Kristen Stewart plagiarized paint drying.
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@DanMentos: "my dad could beat up your dad" we're brothers you idiot *cut to dad stepping on rake, knocking himself out*
@girl_a_whirl: *doorbell rings, I open door* Alien: Hi! Do you have a moment so I can teach you highly advanced life skills that will save your species? Me: Yes! My vacuum is making a funny noise. Could you look at it? Alien calls back to mothership: Can't I just vaporize her?
@jonnysun: me: [staring at myself in the mirror, trying to figure out who i truly am] my reflection: soooooo what are we