@zachheltzel: Everything doesn't "happen for a reason." The universe is not aware of your existence. Stop being arrogant.
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@ShadyLadyHH: I'm basically Switzerland. I'm cold and you have to get really high in order to truly appreciate my beauty.
@sageboggs: My friends & I were taking shots every time Trump interrupted Clinton. My BFF Chad is dead :(
@9589smith: Son, I've made some questionable decisions in life & I must go away for awhile to face the consequences. How I tell my 5yo I'm off to poop