@zachheltzel: Everything doesn't "happen for a reason." The universe is not aware of your existence. Stop being arrogant.
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@Freudstombstone: It hurts my feelings when people call me a failure. I'd rather people think of me as successfully challenged.
@StarksWeek: "Holy shit, that guy eats a lot of pizza" -people that walk by my house on recycling day.
@DaddyJew: "Welcome to money management. Have you all paid your $200 entrance fee?" "Yes" "Excellent, never give money to strangers. Class dismissed"