@MasterOfFury: Everything goes as planned when nothing's planned.
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@Reverend_Scott: Cops: THIS IS THE POLICE. COME OUT WITH YOUR HANDS UP. Me: I can't, my dog fell asleep on my lap. Cops: AWWWW. OK WE'LL COME BACK LATER.
@moooooog35: Mechanic: Your car won't pass inspection Me: Here's $20 to look the other way Mechanic [looking other way]: Your car won't pass inspection
@Nikkeya08: Me: If you take them out of their natural habitat they seek revenge by burning your tounge Sis: M: S: That's a pizza roll. You're high