@MasterOfFury: Everything goes as planned when nothing's planned.
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@Zombie_Kitv2: I almost died last night. I woke up at 3am and MY FOOT WAS HANGING OFF THE EDGE OF THE BED. NOT EVEN UNDER THE COVERS.
@djdarrellripley: Why in the hell would I clean my bathtub? I put soap and water in there every day...
@DirtMcTurd: My friends call me Superman, not because I help people, its because I wear the same clothes everyday
@House_Feminist: (Man hobbles into grocery store using a cane) 5: HEY MOM THAT MAN IS USING A WALKING STICK BC HIS BONES AREN'T STRONG & HE'LL DIE SOON RIGHT