@Auzzie78: Everything is made in China. Except babies. Babies are made in vaChina.
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@iamburtjarvis: [starbucks] me: can i take some wifi home with me? barista: um. sure(?) me: [holds tupperware container in the air & closes lid] thanks.
@ericacanrant: If you say I'm getting fat again Aunt Betty, I'll make a "anything for 5 dollars" ad on Craigslist with your name and number.
@jwoodham: Some people say America is obese, but I blame our flag. Everyone knows that horizontal stripes make you look fatter.