@doublewenis: Everything my three year old says is like listening to a weird roommate describe their LSD dreams.
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@timdonakowski: After weeks of being called lazy, not only did I put up all our Christmas decorations today, I also took them down.
@RidiculousSheri: He died doing what he loved, annoying the hell out of me and not believing I would stab him.
@Cheeseboy22: Whenever I am with my family and someone says, "Wow, you have a beautiful family!" I reply, "Well, we left the ugly ones at home."