@TheDeadfishSays: "Everything the light touches is ours," I tell my son while opening the fridge.
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@Sassafrantz: The average person has sex 103 times a year and it's almost March so that means only 103 more to go.
@david8hughes: Therapist: what would you say to your dad if he were alive today? Me: sorry for cremating you. I honestly thought you were dead
@cambuslad: Someone with OCD visited my TL whilst I was napping and now all my tweets seem to be facing the same way.