@TheDeadfishSays: "Everything the light touches is ours," I tell my son while opening the fridge.
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@Cheeseboy22: Just found a hilarious message in a bottle on the beach. I decided it needed to be RT'd, so I threw it back in.
@AndyRichter: Imagine you know a guy named Gary, & Gary calls his car the Garymobile & insists that you do, too. What I'm saying is Batman is a douche
@nojeshua: [mysterious British man rescues me] Me: How? Him: Bond [introducing himself as we leave prison], bail bond.
@Adyaces: No matter how much I shake my phone, you still won't come out. Are you stuck? I think you're stuck.