@HallpassCanada: Everytime I check my facebook I remember why i'm on Twitter.
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@MatCro: GF: I'm leaving you because you're obsessed with Spanish puns and Despicable Me. ME: Please don't go. You're Juan in a minion.
@RobDenBleyker: This Independence Day please remember that fireworks are not a toy, they are meant to be aimed at the nearest British ship.
@bourgeoisalien: Acid rain is total bullshit. I stood in it for hours and didn't even hallucinate one time.