@brendohare: [evil villain turns around in chair to confront adversary but spins too fast and does two complete revolutions before talking]
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@TheBoydP: If I come home from work and my wife is gone, I always think the worst has happened. I forgot something she said we were doing that night.
@morninggloria: why is it ok for adults to dress in the jerseys of their team when they go to games but weird when i show up to the doctor dressed in scrubs
@imdaintyaf: How do animals in children's books always have nicer houses than mine when they don't have jobs & all they do all day is learn life lessons?
@TheRolo: [Gets cut off by a Pruis] *Speeds up to cut off Prius then drops a banana peel behind me* *Prius spins out of control* Thug life.