@GrantTanaka: exactly 14 yrs ago today, I pointed at a beautiful woman & said "that's the girl I'm gonna marry one day" but it turned out to be a lamppost
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@Fred_Delicious: *sees a hot girl on the train* "ay gurl check this out" *i try to seductively eat a banana but i miss my mouth & smush it into my forehead*
@daemonic3: FRIEND: Make sure you walk her to her car [hours later after date] HER: It's been 18 miles ME: I insist HER: But you drove both of us
@NigelGrinstead: ME: My name is Nigel and I'm an alcoholic. AA GROUP: Hi Nigel. *cut to confessional camera* ME: I'm here to WIN, not to make friends.
@DawnLovesZombie: Just tell me which one is wrong, the password or the username!! Don't make me have to guess.