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@internetluke: Little Kid: wanna hear a joke? Me: life is meaningless without death Little Kid: why did the chicken cro- wait what?
@KalvinMacleod: [date] HER: I’m studying to be a scientist but really love comedy ME: [trying to impress her] Botany good textbooks lately?
@Marlebean: Fun game: Text your mom on Thanksgiving afternoon "How many minutes do I microwave a 25lb frozen turkey?"