@IAmMikeFeeney: "Excellent choice, sir. And what temperature would you like me to microwave your steak to?" - The Honest Applebees Server
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@TheSeanBrewster: I was feeling depressed, then saw a guy with one arm and thought "oh man, I could be getting so much more sympathy if I was missing an arm!"
@XplodingUnicorn: When hipsters replaced hippies, we lost free love and drugs and got skinny jeans. Worst. Trade. Ever.