@josePhDhoran: Excuse me girlfriend for I have burped. It has been 3 weeks since my last apology
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@SteelFontana: Bad: Getting bit by a spider... Worse: ...inside your mouth... Worst: ...while making out with someone.
@iGreenMonk: Women always call me ugly until they find out how much money I make. Then they call me ugly and poor.
@TheUrbanSlangs: Drunk - When you have to hold on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
@MartaEffing: Decorating my xmas tree after a bottle of wine. Mixed up a box of candy canes with a box of tampons. Tree looks weird and I feel minty.