@josePhDhoran: Excuse me girlfriend for I have burped. It has been 3 weeks since my last apology
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@caseytduncan: One of the benefits of eating healthier is that you never have to ask questions like, "Who ate my kale?"
@RuinMyWeek: She says talking to me is like talking to a kid. Therapist: And how many years has this been going on? *holds up 6 fingers* This many
@Reverend_Scott: [first date at restaurant] ME: so, do you like dogs? HER: I'm more of a- ME: CHECK PLEASE
@Marlebean: I just plugged the charger into my phone, in the correct hole, on the first try. So it IS possible, guys. IT. IS. POSSIBLE.