@darrinfb: Excuse me while I go slip into something more alcohol.
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@torrami: Alcohol is the leading cause of me getting yelled at for being a pterodactyl on the coffee table.
@huntigula: Guy: Why does everyone call you "Gross Gary"? Gary: [filling a canteen with hotdog water] Nobody calls me that.
@MourningGlory_: I just ate an entire bag of Werther's and now I'm 80 years old, own a floral couch, smoke Virginia Slims, got a perm and my name is Shirley.
@gorrdano: I help morning mall walkers get their blood flowing by chasing them down with a chainsaw.