@marsmaIlow: excuse me
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@Scdavis24: Sometimes I think I'm a relatively smart person. Other times I put my shoes on before my pants and realize who I really am.
@ibid78: "Sir your résumé says you can read minds." "Yup. And you're thinking 'Why would he put that on a résumé?'" "Oh. My. God. You're hired."
@ocourtneyno: When you accidentally type "me" instead of "my" I read your tweets as if you are a leprechaun.
@christrew: Too many men hate it when I put both of my hands on their shoulder and ask if everything is alright take this guy at the urinal for example