@LizHackett: "Excuse the mess; we had guests," I graciously explain, leaving out the "five months ago" part.
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@IAmKatieOrr: HELLO? HELP! I'VE BEEN KIDNAPPED & DROPPED IN A NON-ENGLISH-SPEAKING COUNTRY & I DON'T KNOW- wait. Nm. Fell asleep at Szechuan Palace again.
@SteveKoehler22: Fashion Facts - Adam was the first designer- with his Eden line of clothing Eve wore his first creation- the ribbed t-shirt with fig leaf
@shkeeber: Me: *passes ransom note* Mom: 2 bags of unmarked cookies? Me: Or you'll never see the cat alive! Mom: He's behind you. Me: STUPID KITTY!
@dave_cactus: [at Red Lobster] WAITRESSES: *run toward me* ME: Red Lobster! WAITRESSES: *stop* ME: Green Lobster! WAITRESSES: *run* MANAGER: Okay, SIR...