@TheTweetOfGod: Existing is a pretty remarkable achievement.
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@SortaSarcastic: Someone invented a yoga mat that rolls itself. If that person reads this tweet, I have a fitted sheet I'd like for you to look at.
@Dog_Marriage: Breaking news from My dog!! there ar Small animals outside sometimes, but especially Right Now.
@HollyMemphis: Friend: "I just blew a speaker in my car." Me: "Which kind?" Friend: "Motivational."
@PieChord: The only time my ex will ever scream "DEEPER, DEEPER" is when they are lowering my casket into the ground.