@TheTweetOfGod: Existing is a pretty remarkable achievement.
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@rachelle_mandik: most vending-machine shaking incidents are elaborate coverups by people who don't want to be seen hugging the machine and saying i love you
@_SetTheHook_: I'm just gonna put an egg under my kid's pillows and tell them the Easter Bunny and Tooth Fairy must've went out drinking the night before.
@ewfeez: The best thing about being Bane has gotta be that he can just slice a hardboiled egg straight into his pie hole
@thedayofthedot: i hate it when you offer someone a sincere compliment on their mustache and suddenly she's not your friend anymore. facebook friends suck.