@Ideal_Victoria: *experiences all five stages of grief while the waiter walks by my table with what I thought was my dinner*
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@WeekendTwitr: Quit making fun of my barbed wire tattoo literally no one has even tried climbing over my arm since I got it.
@Robinbuble: I put an ad in Craigslist for a muscular blonde with strong arms, excessive body hair and a thick British accent so I'm dating Madonna now.
@blondebombs: They say milk is good for your teeth..you know what else is good for your teeth..minding your own damn buisness
@SmartassChef: Most of my one night stands happened because they knew they would get a fabulous breakfast the next morning.