@Ideal_Victoria: *experiences all five stages of grief while the waiter walks by my table with what I thought was my dinner*
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@DoogieHorner: Dogs are "practice babies" and cats are "practice ex-girlfriends you still have to share an apartment with."
@Jake_Vig: If you have twin girls and don't dress them like in "The Shining" and make them stand in hallways, you've squandered a precious gift.
@TheGladStork: "Hey kids, you like candy?" I said to my own kids, luring them into my van so I could get them to school and be at work on time.