@Ideal_Victoria: *experiences all five stages of grief while the waiter walks by my table with what I thought was my dinner*
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@IamEveryDayPpl: The dollar tree has motion sensor Christmas ornaments that blast jingle bells in case your family doesn't already hate you...
@radtoria: "Penguins mate for life. Isn't that romantic?" You open your mouth to answer but I spit my chewed up cake into it. "You're my penguin."
@geowizzacist: (Face painter at kid's birthday party): ...and what shall I paint on your face? Me: Enthusiasm.