@adamzopf: Explain to me the down side of being under house arrest.
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@sip_at_home_mom: I own workout clothes for the same reason my buddies in high school bought condoms: I like to pretend there's a chance I'll need them.
@pixelatedboat: The problem with millennials is they were taught to look up to Pokemon not *struggles to think of a thing old people respect* Mussolini
@DurtMcHurtt: [eating an entire extra large pizza to myself] ME: *hears a knock on the door* THIS STALL IS TAKEN.