@adamzopf: Explain to me the down side of being under house arrest.
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@TheBoydP: I’m not saying I’ve gained weight, I’m just saying I don’t think my belt buckle should be facing the ground…
@d_duhwit: Neighbor: Hey I'm sick of your dog doing his business on my lawn. Me: Ok, sorry. *Walks over to my dog's lawn lemonade stand* Hey, I told you it has to be on our lawn.
@_TeaChap: Scientology, because even Jehovah Witnesses need something to laugh at after a hard day of knocking on doors.