@briangaar: #ExplainAFilmPlotBadly A raccoon and a tree commit multiple felonies
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@NYC_Blonde: If I don't wake up with Britney Spears' body circa "I'm a Slave 4 U" and a rich handsome boyfriend then I KNOW Santa's not real.
@john_vavra: GF: ...I'm pregnant ME: *holding a 10-piece chicken nuggets box that actually has 11 nuggets* I've also got some pretty big news
@murrman5: [to the secretary before I go in for job interview] "when the music starts, hit this button and that will activate the fog machine"