@noog: Exposing kids to violent video games is appalling. They should be in church praying to a bloody statue of a man nailed to a cross in agony.
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@HeyZeus666: I got mugged in college by a gang of Asians. Two of them held me down and a third corrected my math homework before fleeing into the night.
@mattingebretson: Whenever someone starts checking their phone when I'm talking to them I like to regain their attention by combing their hair
@TheMichaelRock: I am aware that smoking will kill me, please explain to me again how you'll live forever