@jodiekinzzz: Vodka burrito was a success

@NicholeGunz: i opened a savings account in 2008 with a $25 deposit. i've watched the money grow over the last decade, and though i've been tempted, i've left it alone. now i have $27.96, enough to retire on. take note.

@Henry_3k: My therapy group is a joke. The doctor is supposed to match you with people you have something in common with but everyone here is nuts.

@brocketxyz: My greatest accomplishment as a father? Teaching my son to scream, "I WANT MOMMY," whenever my wife sends me into his room.

@RunwayDan: Sorry I embarrassed you when I tried to draft Smaug, but I totally misunderstood the concept of a Fantasy football league.