@super_morgasm: Facebook is great! It reminds me to go to the gym and take my birth control so I don't end up like everyone I went to high school with.
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@GodShammGod9: My great grandma started to giggle at a barbecue and when I asked what's funny she said " everyone here is alive because I got laid ".
@iwearaonesie: me: Do you think Muhammad Ali tried different animals? Like, "Float like a duck, sting like a jellyfish"? wife: Go to sleep