@super_morgasm: Facebook is great! It reminds me to go to the gym and take my birth control so I don't end up like everyone I went to high school with.
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@DanMentos: *orders a medium pizza* *opens box* PIZZA: I've contacted your late grandmother. She wants you to know- *eats pizza*
@wesjohnson8: "What am I supposed to do with this speeding ticket?" Officer, "Keep it, when you collect four of them, you get a bicycle."
@_Kim_Jongun: My latest missile blew up on the launch pad. But it exploded so fast Americav couldn't tell what type it was. I'm not telling. Checkmate.