@super_morgasm: Facebook is great! It reminds me to go to the gym and take my birth control so I don't end up like everyone I went to high school with.
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@RobDenBleyker: I think if a little girl wants to grow up and be a Tyrannosaurus Rex that's totally fine, and science shouldn't stop her.
@SamTR7: I just got an email offering "free bible verses". You know, because who can afford bible verses?
@Playing_Dad: Boss: Did you bring the reports? Me: Hold on. *reaches into pockets and pulls out two middle fingers* Boss: I resign. You're the boss now.
@ericsshadow: [first date] HIM: Can I call you sometime? HER: [slowly slides napkin over phone] You can't... I lost my phone