@Hormonella: Facebook is terrific way to connect with classmates who haven't aged as well as you.
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@Elizasoul80: My child: Mom, there's a monster under my bed. Me: "That's impossible, they're all running for president right now."
@TheMichaelRock: After shaking someone's hand, I like to maintain eye contact while applying hand sanitizer.
@theshamingofjay: If you're religious you dont get to pick & choose "You shall not make for yourself an idol" That Disney sticker means you're going to hell
@cupcakelynda: Just opened the freezer and the vodka literally rolled out into my hands, no way I could ignore this sign from god.