@gwatts77: Facebook people don't like Twitter because they need picture illustrations to understand the joke.
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@Home_Halfway: ME: How much for this aggressive bottle of water? FIREFIGHTER: Sir that's a hydrant
@secondofhername: Jurassic World: A generically modified smart 50 ft monster has turned violent and this, for some reason, took people by surprise.
@UnFitz: [at the playground] “Welcome to Swingers Club. Sorry if you thought this was about spouse-swapping. Now who wants to give me a push?”
@emptydahl: Sometimes I wonder about those old mattresses in the alleys, the stories they could tell. The ones about me are lies of course.