@VerifiedDrunk: Facebook: People trying to save the world one uneducated post at a time
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@donni: Cop: Do you know why I pulled you over? Me: Do you know why I stopped? *silence* *a saxophone wails in the distance*
@AristotlesNZ: First rule of Thesaurus Club: You do not talk, speak, chat, deliberate, confer, gab, or converse about Thesaurus Club.
@KeetPotato: [restaurant] date: "i think you watch too much Homeland" me: [in the next booth facing the other way] "keep your voice down"
@JessicaNorthey: Got a call saying my son got caught lying, cheating & was being expelled. I don't have a son. That kid is one damn good liar