@VerifiedDrunk: Facebook: People trying to save the world one uneducated post at a time
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@NotJPo: Your wife will always agree to let you go out and get drunk with your friends and as long as you're smart and don't go.
@TheDairylandDon: They say drugs will hurt your long term memory but I kind of take pride in needing to Google the proper spelling of "Bieber" every damn time
@kentgrossarth: Girlfriend: Have you ever been with a fat chick? Me: Nope, you're the first one. Gf: What? Me: What?