@VerifiedDrunk: Facebook: People trying to save the world one uneducated post at a time
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@Shock_Monster: Why do Asian people never seem to age? I met a chinese girl today & I estimate her age to be somewhere between 4 & 197.
@therepoguy: Pretty sure my refrigerator is having sex with itself from all the noises its making.
@XplodingUnicorn: My love for my kids is like my data plan: Technically unlimited, but it might get dialed back behind the scenes if they really push it.