@minafisheyes: Facebook sent me a notification....unfortunately, my meth lab on Farmville blew up.
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@SteveMartinToGo: Whenever I hear someone died of natural causes, I think, "Wait a minute. I have that."
@DothTheDoth: I love how insurance companies offer "accident forgiveness" like they're some sort of ancient deity pardoning your existence.
@Parentpains: She said she was burning with desire, so I threw a bucket of water at her. Dating is bullshit.