@minafisheyes: Facebook sent me a notification....unfortunately, my meth lab on Farmville blew up.
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@biggsmoke814: Where's Jesus when you need him. There's only 2 fish sticks left and I've got company coming.
@david8hughes: [bday party] Mum: happy birthday son Me: wow that's a huge cake! Mum: its full of bees Me: what Mum [backing away]: I said it's cream cheese
@deardilettante: I am literally the only one at this baby shower who turned up with champagne & a coat hanger.