@TequilaTears: Facebook should have a limit on times you can change your relationship status... After 3 it should default to "Unstable"
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@daemonic3: [1st date] HER: So do you have any hobbies? SALT SHAKER: Nice dress! It would look great on my floor HER: What?! HIM: Just ventriloquism
@TheSharona06: At the grocery store, buying 6 of the same item Cashier: Are these good? Me: No. I'm buying all of them just to save others from suffering
@sad_tree: *paramedic holds me as a I lay dying* ME: Tell my family.. all I ever wanted..was a robot butler PM: With a top hat? ME: Of course you idiot
@Shock_Monster: If I could choose any one mythological creature to become alive & real, I'd have to pick: My girlfriend.