@SteussieErica: FACT: Had kids for one reason; to send them to the basement for paper towels when I run out of them in the kitchen. It's scary down there.
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@kentgrossarth: I just found handcuffs, a whip and a mask in my girlfriend's bedroom. I can't believe she's a super hero.
@longwall26: "My dream is to create something that both dogs and fraternity brothers will enjoy chasing with equal vigor." -- inventor of the frisbee
@awkwardphilippe: That awkward moment when your date says she has a hair piece but later you find out she was saying herpes.
@GrantTanaka: It's important for me to teach my kids to be independent & self-reliant, cause I won't be around forever, especially if I win the lottery.