@markydoodoo: FACT: if a cop says FREEZE and then you say "now everybody clap yo hands" he has to drop his gun and clap and then you can get away.
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@BrettDruck: May he without sin cast the first stone [Everybody picks up rocks] Sharing Netflix passwords counts as sin [Everybody puts rocks back down]
@bombsydoll: Aliens scoop me up & put me in a big glass jar w holes poked in the lid. They scatter Pringles inside to simulate my natural environment.
@KenJennings: If you ever want to be bummed all day, think about how Jordan's national carrier is called "Royal Jordanian Airways" instead of "Air Jordan"