@_ElvishPresley_: Fact if it's mother is trapped under a car, baby adrenaline gives a baby the super strength of eight babies. But that's not enough babies!
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@IamEnidColeslaw: the women in tampon commercials should switch places with the women in antidepressant commercials
@iamnotdiddy: The most embarrassing thing about mistaking pilates class for pirates class is concealing my musket.
@jazmasta: [hitting on hot babe in bar] ".. You're 28? NO WAY! I used to be 28! This is spooky. You like oxygen? OMG you're not gonna believe this.."