@envydatropic: Fact - If you add "ish" to your time, like 9:00ish, you're never late for anything
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@KentWGraham: My wife doesn't believe that auto correct changed "Yes dear" to "Hell no I'm not picking your mother up from the airport at 1am."
@TheCatWhisprer: You can tell a lot about a person based on what they use as a gender-neutral singular pronoun.
@mommajessiec: [child gets stuck in claw machine] Me: [calls husband] “Hi honey, you’re not going to believe this, but I found us a babysitter for this evening.”
@TheCiscoKidder: After clipping my toddler's fingernails for over 2 years, I think I could diffuse a bomb while riding a roller coaster.