@envydatropic: Fact - If you add "ish" to your time, like 9:00ish, you're never late for anything
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@atanya1111: At age 40 you gain the capacity to fall totally chemically head over heels in love with a refrigerator.
@LoveNLunchmeat: If you tweet about orthopedic shoes enough, you don't even need to write "No DMs" in your bio.
@InternetHippo: everyone (crying, begging): please…you cannot be both hot and nice. just pick one me: no
@junejuly12: Like a lioness protecting her cub, but it’s me lunging at the coworker about to nibble on my favourite pen.