@hand_jive: Fact: If you ever blow me a kiss, I'm catching it and sticking it down my pants.
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@KeetPotato: me: [letting dog lick my face] wife: that's disgusting me: [squirting shampoo into my hand] you're the one who used all the hot water linda
@shkeeber: Things safer than flying Malaysia Airlines: -Badger juggling -Heroin enemas -Grenade soup -Live cobra condoms -Roman candle tampons -Ebola
@shutupmikeginn: Arguing with guy at the bar and he claimed Wikipedia was an unreliable source, suggesting instead that I listen to him, a drunk guy at a bar