@hello_saylor: Fact: it's impossible to look tough while getting a snack from a vending machine. You're all, "Wheeee! A tiny bag of Cheetos!"
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@Reverend_Scott: Strangers are friends you haven't met yet. Friends are lovers you haven't kissed yet. Lovers are corpses you haven't killed yet.
@MasterSociopath: I mistook the Facebook status box for Google search, and now I don't have to go to family functions any more.
@LurkAtHomeMom: 5's friend told him his mom makes play doh. Thanks Pinterest. I'm already expected to cook 3 meals a day, now I have to cook their toys too?