@mstluvstrinkets: I remember, before kids, saying funny things like, "my kids won't be watching TV and they most certainly won't be eating chicken nuggets!"

@NickSchug: I woke up in the middle of the night and wrote "dentists are liars" into my phone. Not really sure what the plan is with that.

@moose_chocolate: My daughter asked me what it was like when I was a kid, so I took away all her electronics and made her play with a Rubik's cube.

@iSamJack: "'There is no 'I' in team!" *Steve Jobs yells at his iTeam*

@040204Lawson: It only took four men to wallpaper my house, but I had to slice them really thin.