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@timothybird186: Fails drug test.
Adds "Positive" Person to résumé.
@MomOnFire: Granny, pay attention and don't panic. I need you to think hard and tell me how many brownies you ate out of the blue pan.
@Cheeseboy22: I'm offended that horses don't put their hooves over their hearts during the National Anthem when they win a gold in equestrian events.
@BBQJones28: For the record..when you get punched in the face..it doesn't make that movie sound...at all.
@causticbob: what's the medical term for a female-to-male gender reassignment surgery? an addadictomy
@karencreets: I should probably never be a mom considering I'd rather drop a baby in a puddle than my iPhone