@CornOnTheGoblin: [fake yawns to put my arm around date but it's so i can pet her dog who is also on the couch]
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@MMFlint: Conan: The US is on pace 2 b the world's largest producer of oil. So if history has taught us anything, the US will soon be invading the US.
@Vice_Queen: Roughly 60% of my childhood was spent trying to do the crane kick after watching Karate Kid.
@ibid78: "Babe there's something I've always wanted to do.." *tenderly moves her bangs away from her eyes then scotch tapes them to her forehead*
@secondofhername: Friend: I'm about to appear in court. Me: Best of luck! Kill it!! Friend:...not exactly the best phrase to use in a medical negligence case.