@CornOnTheGoblin: [fake yawns to put my arm around date but it's so i can pet her dog who is also on the couch]
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@ValeeGrrl: After years of marriage & kids I have no idea how I'd handle a 1st date. Just give him a juice box, crackers & an iPad? Do I bring coupons?
@ComedicBust: My uber driver's looking at me like he's never seen anyone eat a bowl of cereal in the back of his car before.
@QwertyJones3: "Honey, it's not that I don't like your cooking, it's just that the smoke's about to asphyxiat our family." "WHAT'D YOU SAY ABOUT MY ASS??"