@Jandalize: Falling asleep at work didn’t get me in trouble. Falling asleep at work and snoring got me in trouble.
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@PajamaBen_: Billy where is your homework? "im sorry Ms. Klein my dog- *sees dog in the window make a throat cutting motion* -gone cat ate it"
@stephenjmolloy: HR: "You've put Kurt Russell down as an emergency contact." Me: "Yeah, I'd like to meet him before I die. Dude is a legend."