@tsm560: Falling in love is just like falling down a well, except one is dank, dark and scary, and can really hurt you, and the other is a well.
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@Lowenaffchen: Katana is Japanese for "sword". In Japan they have great respect for swords and their moms dont knock them off the wall while vacuuming
@michaelianblack: How come my wife can't hold her bladder for more than three hours but she can hold a grudge for fourteen years?
@XplodingUnicorn: I tried to explain Pokémon to my 4-year-old. After hearing myself say it out loud, I'm pretty sure I ruined both of our childhoods.
@Mr_Kapowski: McDonald’s Employee: Sir, your kids are not welcome at the Play Place Me: How dare you *one of my goats pops its head up from the ball pit chewing a child’s hat*