@fluffysuse: Falling in love makes you do stupid things. Once I even got married.
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@XplodingUnicorn: Wife: You only half-listen to me. You're in a boatload of trouble. Me: Yes, let's buy a boat.
@My_Ego_Altered: I'm eating a bottle of glitter so when I get drunk and throw up tonight people will think I'm a unicorn in human form.
@dafloydsta: [marriage counseling] She's constantly mad at me "There are squirrels living in our house" THEY WERE HOMELESS, KAREN