@WilliamAder: Famous people could rob banks wearing masks of themselves and they'd never get caught.
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@DamienFahey: Whenever I see an empty pizza box in a neighbor's garbage can, I get jealous someone had a better night than I did.
@nerdyjewishgirl: Re: global warming and the cold weather "Liberals keep telling me the Titanic is sinking but my side of the ship is 500 feet in the air."
@Birdhumms: The red haired guy in the bakery doesn't like being called... 'The Ginger Bread Man' *lesson learned
@BassoonJokes: RIP that guy in the audience of the eric clapton unplugged session whose head literally exploded when he realized the song was "layla"