@WilliamAder: Famous people could rob banks wearing masks of themselves and they'd never get caught.
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@JCWisdomNuggets: Server: Want one of our famous milkshakes? Me: Well, I saw your yard and it was empty. Server: Huh? Me: No boys. Server: Huh? Me: No thanks.
@maddie11_Anders: Do you think that a funeral director signs his letters with ' yours eventually'?
@squirrel74wkgn: Wife: The kid was holding a sparkler. Me: ...I thought her arm was on fire. Wife: You hosed her down for 9 minutes.
@MrSandeepP: I love how girls say that they like a guy with a sense of humour and yet you'll never find a poster of Mr Bean on their wall.