@WilliamAder: Famous people could rob banks wearing masks of themselves and they'd never get caught.
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@BigBagOfScum: A fun thing to do is comment "that ain't the girl you were with at the bar the other night" on all my married friends Facebook family photos
@StinkyGr33n: 🎵Whooooaaaa, I'm halfway therrreee WHOOOAAAA, LOSING ALL MY HAIRRRR Take this wig, we'll fake it I swearrrrr WHOAOHH, LOSING ALL MY HAIRRR🎶
@dave_cactus: ME: Sorry I'm late, I had computer problems. BOSS: Hard drive? ME: Nah, there was no traffic, just the computer problems.