@SteveSuckington: Fantasy football is just Dungeons and Dragons for the people who used to beat up the people who played Dungeons and Dragons.
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@lucascomedian: I am so sorry to hear about your grandma... I know what you're going through my phone dies all the time.
@KKAlThani: I can relate to people who say they need to rest so they can recover after a tough workout. I feel exactly the same after a heavy meal.
@robdelaney: I'm so sweaty at all times I think it would be biologically accurate to call me amphibious.
@fro_vo: [airplane intercom] good afternoon ladies and gentlemen this is your captain speaking why did you leave without me