@SteveSuckington: Fantasy football is just Dungeons and Dragons for the people who used to beat up the people who played Dungeons and Dragons.
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@lovstructionist: Interviewer: what's your greatest weakness? Me: *slams fist* only a super villain would ask that! *walls fall over revealing secret lab*
@XplodingUnicorn: 3-year-old: I can’t run as fast as everybody else. Me: Why not? 3-year-old: I don’t have enough feet.