@MoshBalls: Farting in the steam room was a bad judgement call.
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@KyleMcDowell86: I told my waiter the same thing i told my plastic surgeon. Give me chicken breasts.
@iscoff: TEACHER: please take off your hat in class *I take off my hat revealing a slightly smaller hat* ME: I can do this 14 more times
@LookAwayMomDad: I paid $200,000 for an English degree and my coworker just asked me to proofread her Facebook status.
@KevinHart4real: I just saw a man get hit by a car...he got hit & fell down & then got up & chased the car down the block!!!! His legs must be strong as shit