@Puncroaker: Father, pardon, excuse, exonerate, absolve, acquit, forgive me, for I have synonymed.
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@viciousbabydoll: This is an example of the shit I text my kid. I know, I know. Mom of the Year material right here.
@joeljeffrey: [Eating] Waiter: How's the meal? Me: I dunno. Let me check *pulls out phone Me: Not good. It only got 2 likes on Instagram Waiter: ...
@dumbbeezie: When you say you don't feel good "Are you pregnant?" -people without kids "Do you have to poop?" -people with kids