@Puncroaker: Father, pardon, excuse, exonerate, absolve, acquit, forgive me, for I have synonymed.
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@Nikkeya08: I hate when I'm pooping alone in the house and I hear a noise.. please don't kill me while i'm pooping..
@SortaBad: "President Clinton, can you respond to rumors of renewed infidelity?" The only woman in my life is my darling *squints at notecard* Hitlery
@topaz_kell: Life is not like a box of chocolates. It's more like not being allowed to leave the table until you finish your brussels sprouts.
@GingerHotDish: Daughter: Do you think Freddie Mercury and Edgar Allen Poe would get along? Me: Huh? Daughter: Cuz he's just a Poe boy from a Poe family.