@HeyZeus666: Fatherhood Tip : If there's puke in your coat pocket and poop on your shoulder, you're holding the baby upside down.
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@jaslakhmna: While people argue about the glass being half empty or half full...I'll just be drinking from the bottle !
@AIMMadellynne: Dear paranoid people who check behind their shower curtains for murderers.. If you do find one... What's your plan?
@Bob_Janke: I was wearing a jean jacket yesterday and a little kid asked me why I made a jacket out of pants and I had no good answer for him