@Cllnsn: Fave bit of the Breaking Bad finale is when Ross is like "DID SHE GET OFF THE METH?" and then Rachel shows up and says "I got off the meth."
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@kelkulus: Female praying mantises bite the heads off males while mating, so if your mantis boyfriend shows up without a head, he was cheating on you.
@dixinormus10: I didn't think it was possible to travel 10 years back in time until I got into an argument with my wife.
@KimmyMonte: A burrito.. in a bowl? Sure that sounds great! And while you're at it, why don't you rip the blankets off me while I sleep, u piece of shit
@PashSara: 5: Mommy, we can eat something if we not allergic? Me: yep 5:right now? Me:sure 5:BROTHER! Mom said we can have ice cream! Me: sonofa...