@TobyHater: Fax? Why don't you just send it over on a dinosaur?
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@ericsshadow: [my wife and I watch a drunk white girl fall out of a cab] I've never drank that much.... [wife looks at me in disgust] ugh, ok I have.
@truegritrumble: I once dated a girl so my pet rock wouldn't be embarrassed after he threw himself at her window.
@Reverend_Scott: Good thing Father's Day is only one day. I don't think I could stand to be a father longer than that.
@jonnysun: hmmm public speakimg clases..? well do u hav private speakimg clases? bc i hav a secret *leans in close to u* I NEVER LEARNED HOW TO WHISPER