@TobyHater: Fax? Why don't you just send it over on a dinosaur?
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@DaddyJew: Boss: you're late Me: traffic Carol: he was in his car taking selfies again Me: goddammit Carol, I will cut you
@Fred_Delicious: "Dad can we get a puppy?" "No but we can get a submarine if you like?" [2 hours later 3000m beneath the pacific] "dad I should be at school"
@GrantTanaka: *lowers head *breaks thru 5 tackles *hurdles lineman *runs 100 yards *hamstrung at goal line *dragged back to line of scrimmage -my wedding