@clindsaysway: FB is the Flanders of social media, Twitter is Moe.
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@TheBeerGuy73: I'm at my most Ninja Turtle when I remove a manhole cover & jump into the sewers to avoid making eye contact with someone I know in public.
@kelkulus: Woke up with no money. I was robbed last night by a guy who looks exactly like me, but drunker.
@rockymomax: Her: u have a choice its me or the megaphone Me: fine Her: good Me: [puts megaphone directly to her ear] I THINK WE SHOULD SEE OTHER PEOPLE
@ThePocketJustin: My phone case doesn't expose the logo on the back. So it could be anything. I could be speaking on two mirrors with foam in the middle.