@clindsaysway: FB is the Flanders of social media, Twitter is Moe.
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@Blakegarav: The human brain is so fascinating. It operates 24/7 from the day we were born and only stops when ur taking a test or talking to someone attractive.
@daemonic3: [spelling bee] Your word is 'embarrassing' "Oh I don't mind, you can say it" No, it's really 'embarrassing' "Ok, I promise not to laugh"
@ibid78: When life hands you lemons make sure those lemons aren't evidence in a murder that life's trying to frame you for.
@hardlyrelevant: (interview for construction job) Foreman: Your resume is just pictures of LEGOs? Me: (proudly) Didn't even have to look at the instructions