@clindsaysway: FB is the Flanders of social media, Twitter is Moe.
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@wickedimproper: ARUGULA is my favorite vegetable whose name sounds like a car horn from the 50's.
@AsYouNotWish: I hate it when celebrities ask me to donate to some fund, you make 30 millions a movie & I make $30 a day. You send money.
@XplodingUnicorn: 4-year-old: *looks at our pig* Which pig is she? Me: What do you mean? 4: Is her house made of bricks or sticks?
@Amburglar_: Mad at your man? Five minutes before he gets home, turn on "Pitch Perfect" then hide the remote in the dishwasher.