@clindsaysway: FB is the Flanders of social media, Twitter is Moe.
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@NewDadNotes: Dog 911: hello Dog: I accidentally ate the trash Dog 911: crouch low to pretend you are sorry Dog: but I'm not sorry Dog 911: I said pretend
@Sickayduh: "Dad, how come we use plastic forks and my friends all have silverware?" - Because they're poor and have to reuse everything. "Pfft losers"