@clindsaysway: FB is the Flanders of social media, Twitter is Moe.
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@Phook75: Forgot to buy a gift for a friends Wedding. Luckily someone died at an intersection nearby so I scored a cool wooden cross and a teddy bear
@juliussharpe: I support legalized marijuana because if everyone else is stoned I can trick them out of money.
@zoevsuniverse: 4-yr-old saw picture of me pregnant. I explain that she was inside me. She thought for a bit then said: "I never want to do that again."