@Jamie1947: In my youth, there was no "snapschapts". If you liked a young lady, you'd draw a proper picture of your genitals and send it to her parents.

@elizabeth_fels: PUTIN: If your American lover is in this room I'll kill him ELENA: He's not! PUTIN: (softly) u...s... [bursting from closet] A! USA! USA!

@KentWGraham: I wish I could be like my cable company’s customer service line and make people press 37 different numbers before they can talk to me.

@CornOnTheGoblin: Welcome to Sarcastic Club Im sooo happy to see you all Anyone know the 1st rule? "Be less sarcastic?" Ooo lets have this guy teach the class

@iTARKAA: If only my mum knew how popular I am on Twitter, she'll stop sending me up and down the streets to get soup ingredients for her. 😂😂😂